on being 18

gosh i just turned 18 (july 30).
nothing really much happened save that i ate lunch together with my sisters and their friend at don henricos. it was simle meal of pizza, buffalo wings, pesto, crab pasta whatever, and another pasta, nacho salad and my all time favorite cake: Black forest.

so after 18 years of existence where exactly am i? or what have i done?

uh... i dont know. i guess the funny thing with my life is that the more i think about what has happened to me, the more i contemplate on the issues of my life, the more puzzled i become. tada!- the paradox of life.

but what exactly is my existence? am i a product if mere coincidence or do i exist because i have a purpose? id rather choose the latter because otherwise my life would be useless and my whole existence would never have a significance.

but then, the premise of all these things is that: 1. i exist and no. 2. i am a human.

but then other implications arrise: 1. what does it mean to "exist" and is my "existence" parallel to the "real" meaning of "exixtence" as proposed in the "real world"? or am i just a figment of the imagination or the "ideal" and as such hold no relative significance at all? or if i do exist, is my existence the "ideal" or the "ant-ideal"?

2. am i human? is to be human merely having a physical body of carbon or is it to act and think logically in all "human" aspects? if so where am i in the spectrum? Assuming that the first is the extreme left of the spectrum and the latter the extreme right? i hope i am in the middle or if not i am progressing towards the middle at the same time achieving both internal and external equilibrium characterized by a balance of thought from the vantage point of the personal and the social, which then brings me to the question of whether of not i am part of the society or whether or not i am ostracized?

but then who am i to question society? but by not questioning society or its institutions, i replicate the notion that as "agents" we are mere products of the "system" but in reality we can move the "system" and that the "system" and the "agent" has a mutual symbiotic reaction.

no, i am not having a midlife crisis. it is about time to question my existence since i just turned 18.
tata.
happy birthday to me.